I spent about two weeks one step above dead with my migraines and chronic pain. Each day I watched the clock waiting for it to be a reasonable time to go to bed, knowing I had survived another day and it was over. I was missing a lot of work, got sent home from two classes because I looked so awful, and was barely up for taking care of and entertaining my dog as I knew I should, etc. Finally one morning I realized that this was not living, and it was barely even surviving.
I had been toying with the idea of uping my pain medication and yet I was having many fears. Tolerance, dependence, am I giving up, would it negate all the other medicine and procedures I had gone through, if I become tolerant and they need to increase the dose and then I have surgery or something and need stronger pain meds would they be effective???? and on and on and on….
Then I convinced myself of the realization that the future is too unknown and I cannot make all my decisions based on ‘what if’ in the future. If I continue to suffer with the pain, and compromise my quality of life for fear of what could happen, and then I die in a car accident next year, or they come out with new medication or better procedures, or hey, a cure, then all the suffering, the unintentional martyrdom, will have been in vain. Why can’t I ‘what if’ toward the positive?
So I decided to apply the pain patch that had been offered to me and see what would happen. Let me just say, in reference to my life as it has been, this ranks right up there with the magic bullet that Botox has been. I sleep less, function more, think clearly, connect, laugh, play, make decisions, etc. My head is soooo clear, it is shocking. So much so that I have had conversations with my pain psychologist, my docotor, to see if there is anything in it that would be like speed; something that would make me hyper or falsely engergized. The answer was no, it is just that the pain is relieved and the pain was causing so much fatigue, nausea, malaise, etc. that relieving the pain relieves all the secondary effects of pain. I was feeling so good that I was still in disbelief. Could the pain really be causing me to feel not only the severe pain, but generalized yuch (mild flu, hit by truck)? I went and questioned two different pharmacists and got the same answer. No, it is just that your pain is being relieved. I couldn’t find anything about it on the web. In more than five years of dealing with this, no doctor has ever conveyed this information to me, including my pain specialists??
So now I am of a mind that life is WAY too short to suffer needlessly!! Yay pain patch. And I think to myself, “This must be what most people feel like.” May my doctors never restrict me!