Lion and Lambs

The cross abandonded, the tomb empty. Hope for despair, Revelation for confusion, Peace for fear.

Life by death.

He is Risen!! Hallelujah!! He is Risen!!

The group, Tree63, wrote anamazing song with a metaphor that I repeat often to get through my days. Since Good Friday is used as the metaphor for the darkness in this world, what better time to share it with you? Here is part of it, the full lyrics can be found at Jesus Freak Hideout. I thank them for sharing!

Someone kneels in the dark somewhere
And darkness is already crumbling
It’s Friday, but Sunday comes

Sunday – Hallelujah – it’s not so far, it’s not so far away
Sunday – Hallelujah – it’s not so far, it’s not so far away

Broken promises, weary hearts
But one promise remains:
Crucified, he will come again
It’s Friday, but Sunday is coming
It’s Friday, but Sunday is coming

It’s Friday, but Sunday is coming!!

Even puppies can be helpful, like climbing in the ‘to be shredded basket’ and shredding the papers for us.

Now if the pieces didn’t go flying everywhere….

I ran across this quotation in a Mayo Clinic newsletter. It fits, though in the opposite, with what I have been talking about here. It fits me, as well as most people I am sure.

My face is a mask I order to say nothing about the fragile feelings in my soul.

Now, I definitely see a time and a place for this, but there must be a balance somewhere.

It has been a rough couple of weeks between training a puppy, a sinus infection, no meds for my migraines, etc. Balancing all that, I didn’t realize that I hadn’t blogged in awhile. So I am here to update.

My little Tootsie is admittedly adorable, but she is definitely all dachshund, which means she is all stubborn. She is doing better with housebreaking, which is good because I was starting to wonder who was going to break first, or who was going to get broken! She is brilliant at fetch for her age though, so she gets points.

The antibiotic I am taking for the sinus infection and junk in my lungs is making me wake with intense headaches…or I have gotten far to attached to caffiene again. I am hoping for the first, but drinking diluted tea in the morning just in case.

All this has not helped the depression at all but I can still see a light at the end of the tunnel. It is just that every time I think I am finding my way out, I realize the tunnel is longer than I thought. At least I can see the light. And now there is a happy, cuddly, puppy in the tunnel with me!

It is not a tragedy. It is not a tragedy. It is not a tragedy. It is not a tragedy. It is not a tragedy. It is not a tragedy.

Okay, almost convinced.

The first two times I received Botox injections for my migraines, I had stretches close to 30 days migraine-free. This time however, I have not been doing as well. Monday I had a two day migraine that still has some leftovers. It had been 9 days since the last one. In the battle with the monster I kept saying, it has ONLY been 9 days, along with a lot of other negative self talk that all migraineurs have experienced. It was a tragedy. (I, like most, just want the next treatment to kill the beast)

When the logical thinker is able to kick in though, doctors consider a success, any treatment that reduces migraine frequency and/or severity by 50%. Well, prior to treatment I was having migraines 3-5 times a week. Therefore, doing the math… This is NOT a tragedy!! This is NOT a tragedy!!

I will just keep repeating (and repeating) this and be thankful for the good days.

Psalm 142, verse 3a, “When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn.”

Enough said. Like a shampoo bottle, read, then repeat!

In the recent past, as I have been feeling more and more like I am going crazy, I believe God has been trying to comfort me by showing me that I am not alone. He has given me the repeated message that the things I feel are very universal amongst chronic pain sufferers. It is always so encouraging and uplifting to know that I am not so strange, that maybe I am not sinking like I thought I was. I love how He cares for us In our suffering. I love that I am important enough to Him that He will lead me to the things I need to see to be able to continue on.

Today’s blog post by Paula Kamen once again shares the experience of a pain patient who has been to the edge. Paula explains how Hazel has to “disconnect” in order to function in the world. I was talking to my new counselor about that only yesterday, asking her if it was normal or even healthy. Paula writes:

Hazel Reese didn’t realize she was suicidal until the day she was filling out the intake form at her first appointment at Chicago’s Diamond Headache Clinic in 1982. That was when she read the question asking if she had ever tried to take her own life.

She then remembered that just recently, “I purposely had walked in front of a bus one day down at Washington and Wells. … But I never had the thought consciously of doing something to myself, like cut my wrists or something like that. I never had those kinds of thoughts,” recalled the 63-year old, in an interview over herbal tea and her homemade bran muffins at her North Side home, while a blizzard raged outside.

This mental disconnection makes sense because, like so many people with chronic pain who have to keep a full-time job, it was Hazel’s main way of coping. For her 24 years at the phone company, she put all of her energy every day into just getting through work “like a robot” — a comparison she makes often -– while keeping the pain a secret from most others. When she got home, she could do nothing but collapse.

I am thankful to Paula again for sharing this look into life with challenges.

Renamed Tootsie Pop, which I think is cuter, because apparently she pops around a lot

I can’t wait to see her chocolate fur in person and get doggie nuzzles.

I had another . I found a new and fascinating cause as to why I keep having migraines and why the Botox is not working as well as in the past, but that is another story. So after being humiliated in the bank by my unique form of migraine, I sit in my car for thirty minutes waiting for my medication to take affect so I can drive home, bypassing the hospital!

I finally get to my recliner and I am thinking just make it stop!!! I am so that it is happening again.

So I and . What can I do. Then, .

I decide to take a military approach, an all out war.

Hit it with all I’ve got. One of everything in my migraine rescue kit. Not that I would recommend this as a smart approach, I was at a desperate place. I am however, to say it worked!!