Lion and Lambs

Besides the demands of managing school, chronic illness, and some social life, this poor blog has been left behind again. Then on top of that I have this mental block against starting. Where? What? When? How? That keeps me from journaling also, and I love what happens when I journal, but how do you start??

With guilting prompting from my loving sister, I have finished school and now am returning. Did I mention I got 100% on my Algebra final?? So I decided I don’t need a special place to start, I just need to start, so here I am.

Today is my birthday and I am sitting in the hospital with my SO who is getting total knee replacement surgery. His blood preesure was 218 over 118 and they threatened to call off the surgery, but the anethesiologist was confident she could control it so in he went. Telling all the loved ones I needed to tell, I started get anxious so I took myself out for my birthday lunch.

One of my gifts was this fantastic little laptop that only weighs 2.3 lbs with the big battery! I love it! The reason I didn’t carry my other one around was because it was so big and heavy on my bad neck and shoulders. This is great, it is about the size of a Bible cover and goes everywhere now. It is an Acer Aspire One, and it’s PINK! My phone has WiFi so I am set to go almost wherever I want.

So I wait with all the other friends and loved ones of all the other patients, waiting for some news from a surgeon. It seems a sad time of year to be in the hospital, especially unplanned. Many galbladders coming out today. I am thankful that there are hospitals though to give us relief when we need it.

Tonight it is off to Sedona for my annual slumber party. Looks like there will be 7 women this year; and lots of relaxation in front of the fireplace!!! May have snow as well and that will be beautiful if we don’t have to go out in it. Hopefully I will be able to get phone reception so I can continue my blogging….or I will have to face my sister!!

…to help me color my wings. She posted this incredible song, by Melissa Lawson for me. Though she did it and sent me the link a week ago, in God’s perfect timing I opened it today. Now while she is getting our lunch, I sit in a pool of tears. It is incredible how good it feels to be believed in, especially by someone whom I love and respect so much, and when others, who also love me, have tried to discourage me. There are more tears as I was self-doubting the last few days amidst oppressive migraines, and God knew today is when I needed to hear it.

What if it doesn’t work out? It is far better that I tried.

BUT…What if it all goes right? Thanks for your support, and for loving me the way you do!

Eph 3:14-18

14 When I think of the wisdom and scope of His plan, I fall down on my knees and pray to the Father of all the great family of God-some of them already in heaven and some down here on earth- 16 that out of His glorious, unlimited resources He will give you the mighty inner strengthening of his Holy Spirit. 17 And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts, living within you as you trust in Him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love; 18 and may you be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high His love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is SO GREAT that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last you will be filled up with God himself.
TLB

Verse 18 makes me imagine God trying with passion to describe how great His love for us is, wanting us to understand how He feels for us, then He basically says, “There are no words, no way for Me to make you understand how great it is, because it cannot even be measured, it will NEVER end.” We cannot fathom the perfect love that God, our perfect Father, has for us.

Thank You, Kathy, for working so faithfully and so diligently to teach me about God’s love and human love. Your love and your endurance will never be forgotten.

Kathleen Ann (my older sister)
Dec 29, 1956 – February 14, 2000

How exciting is this?!?! A treat so special, so energizing! I was dancing all over the office. Okay, I will clue the rest of you in. My incredibly talented sister remodeled my blog for me. I have loved this picture for years, see I collect lions and lambs, and think this picture is absolutely adorable.

What a treat on my birthday to log in and find my new page! Smiles all over the place!!

I wouldn’t have to post another advent calendar treat for the season because everyday that I open this it will be a treat.

THANKS SIS!!

It is a real treat to spend time with my two sons, now 19 and 21. They are wonderful, caring, and loving, though odd looking to any outsiders. My boys wear black, like tattos and piercings, and one has the greatest long black hair. They definitely raise eyebrows, even among my own family members. It is a good lesson for all of us about judging people by their looks. My kids happen to like the look, but it doesn’t change their heart.

I love that they enjoy spending time talking to me, and are as open with me as I choose them to be. I stand on the premise that oftentimes, what I DON’T know, won’t hurt me. They never mind going someplace with me or helping me. Both boys are concerned and compassionate when I am ill, and willing to do what they can to help me. They always have a smile, a hug, and a kiss to make my day. Even as teenagers they were never embarrassed to hug and kiss me in front of their friends.

I went through a period when I compared my children to my siblings kids who are older and have accomplished, agreeably, amazing things. The “I wish…” is a dangerous thing. I know my kids hearts, and that is what matters. I have always encouraged them to be who and what they want…so far they are doing a great job of that! And they are, for the most part, happy, neither one focusing on conforming, or on money as a sign of success. I am proud of who they have and are becoming.

The very best thing about my boys? They love their mother very much! Each time I think I could never love them more, another day passes, and a mother’s heart of love grows still stronger!

One of our local radio stations, KFLR, is hosting an event called the SHE Event with Rebecca St James. To promote this they are having a SHE’s the One contest to win great prizes associated with the concert. The idea is to describe who you would bring to the concert with you and why she’s the one. My mom will always be the number one she in my life, but she is NOT a concert person.

This set me to contemplating all the “she’s” in my life and why they are so special. I thought about what each one is willing to do, and does do for me. I thought about why I enjoy the company of each one individually, and at many times, collectively. I thought about the sacrfices each has made for me, without a negative word. I thought about how incredibly blessed I am by the love they give me, and the love I have for them.

When your cup runneth over as mine does, there is no way I could possibly pick one.

Today is not a day like any other for you, and my heart cannot adequately express what it is feeling. The best I can do is encompass it in “I Love You”. If it were within my means I would give you the world, starting with Greece, and ending with someone special for you to come home to.

I cherish you in my life, and I would be so lost without you!

This could become a tradition. Last night I was again thankful to be too tired to blog.

Wednesday night I stopped by the hospital to visit my mom as she was recuperating from her second knee replacement surgery. Though it was late and I was tired I had a most enjoyable time visiting with her. Being able to lotion her face and arms and get other things for her was an added pleasure to our conversation. I left feeling so much lighter than when I had gotten there, and kept reflecting on how blessed I am to have her, how very much I do love her.

That is what I was going to write Wednesday night before my son came in and visited with me.

Yesterday afternoon my mom came home from the hospital, and since my dad had to go play a symphony concert I offered to stay with her. They see it as a sacrifice on my part, I see it as a golden opportunity.

I spent the evening attending to her needs, sharing with her, and together we watched “Sarah, Plain and Tall, Winter’s End.” What an extraordinary evening. I know I enjoyed it more than she did because she was feeling so poorly. They were apologetic and thankful for my time. To me her time spent with me was a gift.

But darn those support hose….I need to get in better shape to change those again!!

Today I am very thankful that my seventeen year old son still enjoys conversations with me. I am thankful small talk with mom is cool. I am also thankful that I am not totally stupid to him and that he (and his brother) value my opinion. I am thankful that he desired to talk to me for so long that I am too tired to think and type the post I wanted to do tonight.

I sure love my boys!!

Today my last son bought his first car. As a mother, this should make me nervous, and admittedly it does, a little bit. He is almost eighteen though, which means I have been driving him or sharing a car with him for almost two years now. Wait a minute, I have been doing it for almost eighteen years. That just made me so much more elated!

He came into my office today almost dancing with excitement over officially owning his own car. I smiled and celebrated his joy with him, keeping mine under wraps. When he left the office, I was almost dancing with excitement that he officially owned his own car!!

Don’t anybody tell him.